Monkey Business

Bank hit by a ‘Technical’ glitch after a customer tries to withdraw their own money

Lloyds Bank suffered yet another embarrassing technical glitch, after Ian Napton attempted to draw his own money out of his account.

He requested £80, the transaction appeared to be proceeding as normal when the ATM asked “Are you sure?” He hit, “Yes“.

The machine said, “We’ve seen your statement, you’ll only waste it. Are you sure you want to do that?“. Again, he responded, “Yes”.

The ATM displayed, “We are a bit short at present, it would help if you left your money in your account. Do you still want to proceed?” Ian hit, “Yes”. The machine then returned his card.

A frustrated Ian re-inserted his card. The screen read, “Oh, its you again. We thought you’d finished. How can we help?“. He selected, “Cash without receipt”.

The machine responded, “I thought we’d covered that. We’re unable to dispense cash at this time. You’ve been charged for this transaction.” The card was ejected.

Now, very angry indeed, he thrust the card into the machine. This time it kept the card. The screen showed, “Out of Order” before whirring, banging, clanking and letting out a little puff of smoke.

A spokesman said, “Unfortunately the customer’s account was in surplus, so his request caused the system to go into melt down. You can’t have just anyone taking their money out.”

He added “All ATM’s and our On Line network were affected. We are pleased to say, functionality has been restored and we can now dispense money to those who don’t need it.”

Someone from the FCA said, “If you’ve been affected by Lloyds systems failure, please don’t bother complaining to us, we couldn’t care less.”

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