Britain's Kennedy, Bozo Johnson diesMonkey Life

They say ‘There’s someone out there, for everyone’, in Gillian Napton’s case it was Boris Johnson

They say that there is someone out there for everyone and for most people that’s true. However disaster struck Gillian Napton, when it turned out the one for her was Boris Johnson.

A grieving Gillian explained, “I had just suffered a traumatic break up of yet another relationship and was at a very low point, when my friend, Christine, tried to comfort me by telling me, “Don’t worry, there is that special someone out there for everyone, including you.” I didn’t give it a lot of thought at the time, it’s just one of things people say. I said thank you and we opened another bottle of wine.” 

It was shortly after this that things took a turn for the worse.

In an effort to get back into the dating game, Gillian signed up to on-line dating. Ever the rationalist, she picked one claiming a scientific basis for people matching and which appeared to have the results to prove it.

She duly entered her details into the website, answering as honestly as she could and the computer did the rest. It concluded her special someone was Boris Johnson.

Obviously concerned, and believing there must be some error she submitted her details again. The programme responded with “Look luv, we’ve told you once, it’s Boris for you.”

“Initially I thought I’d give it a go, I’d tried dating normal men and that hadn’t turned out too well, so what was the worst that could happen? Well, now I know, I’m fucking stuck with him, that’s what.” said Gillian.

She has our sympathies and the undying gratitude of women everywhere.

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