Monkey News

Emergency Response Nannies called into Parliament to sort out the naughty little children

Angry scenes in parliament including backstabbing, intimidation and verbal abuse, resulted in Mary Poppins and Nanny McPhee making emergency appearances to restore law and order.

Poppins was aghast, when M.Ps insisted it was just another day at the office. She reported: ‘‘Nobody here is practically perfect in everyway. In fact, Michael Gove measured in as ‘deeply suspicious, with a hint of authoritarian.’’

With sugar and spoons being delivered by the truck load, Poppins is hopeful for success in her clear up operation. Even Jacob Rees-Mogg’s nanny, Veronica Crook couldn’t deter her, as she attempted to infiltrate the mission, by delivering supper. Crook was discreetly deposited in Poppin’s carpet bag, alongside the D.U.P, who had also refused to cooperate.

Finding that her usual combination of magic and discipline was proving unsuccessful, McPhee was forced to consider alternative methods of punishment. Unfortunately, spanks and being sent to bed early, proved far too enjoyable for many.

However, a degree of victory could be celebrated, with May now willing to take turns and share. Unfortunately, Corbyn defiantly chose to remain in the time-out corner.

If successful in restoring common decency to parliament, McPhee and Poppins will be asked to visit Brussels, as they currently have the most favourable odds of negotiating a decent Brexit.

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