Monkey News

The Devil calls Donald Tusk to discuss Hells over-capacity and to tell him he can’t sub-let rooms, its not an Air BnB

Satan has contacted Donald Tusk to discuss Hell’s capacity to take newly damned souls.

The Infernal One, and the architect of Eternal Damnation, called Mr Tusk; ”Hello, Donald? I’ve got the right one, haven’t I? You’re not the orange one, are you?…Good. Look Don, you don’t get to sub-let sections of hell like it’s your personal Air B&B. It’s my domain and I say who gets to stay and who doesn’t. Capisce?”

Before adding; “I know some politicians do have reserved places in the Piers Morgan wing, Johnson, Gove, Hunt, Grayling and May for example, but we have our own problems down here. We are seriously over-crowded and can’t accommodate those who don’t deserve to be here. When some Eurocrat starts offering one-way holidays to Hades, it really piles the pressure on.”

The Demons are having to work longer hours in appalling conditions, as it is and adding the whining, wailing and relentless droning of Brexiteers as they suffer eternal torment at the hands of Middle Eastern immigrants, won’t help.”

“And as if I don’t have enough to worry about, the Demons Union are considering bringing action against me in the EU Courts under Health Safety legislation and with my track record, I may well lose.” Lucifer confirmed.

The Red God’s planning headache is also about to get much worse with the predicted influx of Republicans and Christian Fundamentalists following the Trump Presidency. There is simply no room left at the Inn of Lost Souls.

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