Keen cricket fan, Theresa May, was so disgusted at the performance of the England Team, following their thrashing on their West Indies tour, that she has cancelled their right to return.

A government spokesperson, Ian Napton, explained, “She got the idea from Operation Windrush, where we deported British Citizens to the West Indies. In this case she thought we could save on the cost of flying them out there, if we just stopped them from returning.” 

Apparently, Theresa believes that the performance was so bad that they had let their country down, when she most needed them to distract attention from what she was doing with Brexit.

The Government tabled a debate, in the House of Commons, on the woeful performance of the team. Parliament not only confirmed the decision to exile the team, they went on to offer citizenship to any West Indian player that wanted to play for England.

One West Indian player said, “You’ve got to be kidding mon, give up this sweet life, the sun, the beach and thrashing England at their own game just to come and live in a crappy bedsit in Corydon, I don’t think so.”

Jeremy Corbyn, speaking for the opposition said, “I’ve made some lovely jam for the afternoon tea.”.

Noted cricketers such as Geoffrey Boycott added, “Exiling them t’Caribbean ‘s too good for ’em, not a proper cricketer amongst ’em. They should be banned from t’Yorkshire all together. A three day test? I’d just be getting into double figures after three days of batting.”