Francis UnderwoodMonkey News

Francis Underwood called in to help Theresa May get her deal through

As John Bercow stops Theresa May from bringing her EU Withdrawal Bill back to the House of Commons, drastic action was called for. Step forward super schemer, Francis Underwood.

The Speaker ruled that the bill was not ‘sufficiently different’ from the previous two versions The House had already voted on. Consequently, Parliamentary Rules stop it from coming back to The House, again.

Faced with an EU, who have had enough, it’s difficult to see how Theresa can come up with a different bill. 

Gianni Napatone, explained, ‘We’ve renegotiated this agreement several times already. We’ve given that bloody woman everything she asked for. So, No! we are not doing it again.” 

Seemingly lost and without hope, Theresa needed something special.  Unfortunately, help was in short supply; Miracle Max was working for Donald Trump, whilst Jesus and Mary Magdalene were on a spa holiday to the fjords.  So, Theresa decided to turn to the next best thing, Francis Underwood. 

When asked what Francis bought to the table, Theresa explained; “I watched the Netflix documentary on him and every week he managed to fix unsolvable problems. This one’s a doozy. I thought he would just the person to get my deal across the line, and seal my place in history. I just hope he doesn’t bring his wife with him, she’s a bitch.”

The Prime Minister hopes that Mr Underwood’s special skills will persuade The Speaker to reconsider his decision; if it’s the last thing he ever does. 


The Origins of the Theresa May/Francis Underwood Story

This story was born out of the political debacle currently gripping Westminster. As Brexit nears, the turmoil and chaos surrounding government increases. Meanwhile, Theresa May keeps on going. You couldn’t make it up. It’s like House of Cards, every week a new crisis, so why not call in Francis. 

Theresa May’s predicament is something we’ve covered previously;

For those unfamiliar with House of Cards (US), Wikipedia has a nice synopsis;