Mon. Jul 4th, 2022
Boris beaten off

Boris Johnson has withdrawn from the Tory Leadership campaign, after winning unequivocal endorsement from Chris Grayling.

Political pundits were surprised by Mr Grayling’s decision to support Boris. “At first we thought he was joking, perhaps he’d meant to announce his candidature but had somehow gotten it wrong again. However, it appears not, he was genuine.” said one.

The announcement was met with glee by the other candidates. One prominent Tory said, “Thank fuck for that. We’ve been trying to torpedo Bozo’s chance by highlighting his lying, cheating, gaffes, spaffs and general incompetence but it wasn’t working. Unbelievably, no matter what we did his popularity remained unchanged. Who would have thought Chris Grayling would be the one to come up with the political masterstroke that got rid of Boris? Not me, that’s for sure.

A spokesman for Bozo, explained “We had strategies in place for everything; allegations of infidelity, accusations of lying to everyone, professional incompetence, his ‘financial management issues’ and all the other skeletons in his cupboard but no-one even considered we’d be out-flanked by Chris Grayling. Talk about the kiss of death. As soon as it was announced we were left with no choice but to withdraw.”

Apparently, in politics it’s success that matters. You can get away with anything if everyone perceives you’re successful. This is the secret to Bozo’s political career. However, no-one can survive being associated with the colossal failure that is Chris Grayling.


By Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

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