BBC and ITV launch a new monthly streaming service

To cash in on the global media streaming boom, BBC and ITV have joined forces to create a uniquely British offering. Called Britbox but immediately nicknamed ‘GammonTV’, it will showcase Britain’s golden TV age. Except the bits that we are not allowed to laugh at anymore.

Ian Napton “We know we’re never going to be as big as Netflix and Amazon and we can’t compete with their innovative and original, world-wide, programming but we’re happy with that. Not everyone wants to see new and exciting things. No! they’d much rather have something old and boring that they’ve seen a hundred times before. We believe people will pay £5.99 a month, on top of the £154.50 a year TV licence, to watch this stuff.”

The new channel will show such British TV Classic’s as; Love Thy Neighbour, Mind your Language, Till Death Do Us Part, It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, The Comedians, Wheel Tappers and Shunters, The Black and White Minstrels, Play School, Mrs Brown’s Boys, Citizen Khan, Top Gear, On The Buses and The Good Old Days.

Not all the output will be vaguely racist, and sexist comedy. Box sets of Casualty, Eastenders, Crossroads, Coronation Street and Lovejoy, will thrill viewers.

Sports fans can re-live past triumphs, with the 1966 World Cup Final being aired daily. Repeats of Ian Botham’s Ashes, the 1971 FA Cup Final and Crown Green Bowling will be available ‘On Demand’.

This is too much excitement, Betty nearly choked on a Fisherman’s Friend

BBC Question Time will be repeated, so viewers to GammonTV can see pictures of themselves on ‘the telly’. Piers Morgan, Jim Davidson, Nigel Farage and Andrew Neil will feature ad nauseum, but there’s no room for Louis Theroux, Gary Lineker or Claire Balding.

Programmes will close with the National Anthem and a picture of the Queen.