A controversial decision to remove a group of wistful arty-types, with their accompanying offspring, from an artisan brasserie, has been met with widespread derision in middle England.

After three hours, having purchased only one skinny soya latte and three biodegradable straws, the proprietor Giuseppe Groucho, asked the entourage to move on.

In a statement released later he complained, ‘’They take up whole corner of my cafe, with their hemp weaving and mandolins. Then they surf my wifi and let their feral kids trash the joint.’’ He went on to say, ‘’They always be sneaking their own herbally foods in too.’’

Outraged, Olivia Napton responded by explaining, ‘’Brabantia-Dragonfire is encouraged to be a free-spirit and to express herself openly. Her creative energy should never be compromised.’’ Napton went on to say, ‘’As beings, we are entitled to roam freely.’’

As a natural empath, Napton alleged that Groucho had interfered with her spiritual balance, by imposing negative energies. Groucho quickly riposted, ‘’I am emancipating them, from the confines of my cafe.’’