The Government plans to make Britain more democratic by shutting down Parliament. As a result the UK will be renamed The Great Democratic People’s Republic of Britain’.

In what is being hailed as a breakthrough in ‘thinking the unthinkable’, ‘blue skying’ and ‘spinning the unspinable’ Boris justified his actions by saying, ‘The last thing we need is that bunch of muppets interfering in the Grand Plan’.

Inspired by The Third Reich, Benito Mussolini, Pol Pot and the Kim’s, Boris has decided that the only way to uphold democracy is lock the democratically elected representatives out of Westminster.

Purely as a precautionary measure The Army will be patrolling the streets, fully armed and in tanks, simply to ensure the public’s own safety.

Naturally those who are opposed to the very idea of a government behaving like a tin-pot dictatorship have decided to form their own Parliament.

Calling it the People’s Democratic Republic of Great Britain the splitters (apologies to Life of Brian) have formed their own alliance. However, after Jeremy Corbyn said it was his turn to be leader of The Party, a schism quickly formed and we ended up back where we started.

Whilst the public gazed on in puzzled wonder at the biggest clusterfu*k since Debbie went to Dallas, the EU just threw their arms in the air and said ‘Sacre Bleu! Mama Mia! and Gesusmharieundhosefinaschiesserstorm!’.

The National Press offered a variety of responses. The Daily Mail said “Finally, after all these years” and offered a free shirt (Black) to every reader. The Daily Telegraph went with “We got our money’s worth, Boris did it!” whilst the Guardian wondered how supplies of Quinoa would be affected.

With food and medical shortages looming, The Army on the streets, MP’s locked out of Parliament and the return of Blue Passports, Project Britain has been declared a great success.

Meanwhile Brexit continues.