Donald Trump is to ban cakes made with love in retaliation for the exclusion of chlorine washed chicken.

The row is undermining the future US-UK trade deal. Regarding the UK as very vulnerable, the American President was hoping to off load any old shite on to the UK market. However, when our politicians balked at trying to sell rotting chicken to British shoppers The Trumpster was furious.

Looking to apply pressure the President looked at the lucrative cake market. Quickly spotting that the secret ingredient in Mum’s Cakes was love he decided to ban it as unsafe.

His spokesman Billy-Bob Napton explained “Because it’s a secret we can’t include it on the packaging labels and that makes it, potentially, unsafe. No one here knows what’s in a mother’s love and we are a bit worried that it might be a commie plot. Donald was very confused by it.”

One Tory MP said this is a row about nothing, we know we’ll have to let him have what he wants but we need to make it look as though we are putting up a fight. They are thinking if they can sell rotting carcasses and dodgy beef and buy up the NHS at the same time, they will make a killing.

Britain can’t afford to risk a trade war with the US as having pissed off the Japanese, Chinese and the EU they’re running out of potential trading partners. It’s believed that Boris’s Granny, Nanna Johnson, has told the PM to get this sorted or it’s the last time he gets a slice of her Victoria Sponge.