West Bromwich Albion are set to be reinstated to the Barclays Premier League after the successful conclusion of a VAR review into the 2017-2018 season.

Elsewhere, all of Burnley’s goals have been disallowed, while Harry Kane has lost the golden boot to Jamal Lascelles, who’s tally of 4 legitimate goals was enough to see off all comers. The biggest surprise came for Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City, who have plummetted down in the final standings to mid-table obscurity after 87 of their goals were chalked off.

“Many of the original laws of football were never fully rescinded” explained the FA’s Head of Pointlessly Minute Detail, Dr Martin Martins, “Once we were finally done with City’s 4-2 win over Newcastle we ended up with a goalless draw since neither of the stadiums had been blessed by the local priest, none of the players involved were wearing appropriate gentlemanly attire and when Sergio Aguero put City 2-0 up he failed to recite a complete verse of God Save the Queen.”

Martins went on, “Of course there will be further upheaval. We are in discussions with UEFA to have Chelsea removed from this year’s Champions League as our review of the 2018-2019 season shows conclusively that they were completely useless.”

Asked whether these sorts of moves ruin the spirit of the game, Martins defended the action, “What is more invigorating than a moment of elation, followed by an unnecessarily lengthy review, followed by an outcome that satisfies absolutely no-one and makes about as much sense as a No-Deal Brexit?”

A review of the review is already said to be underway.

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