Sat. May 21st, 2022
Annus Horribilis for The Queen

Britons have shrugged their collective shoulders at the prospect that one of the Queen’s overprivileged sons may have shagged a teenager who was groomed by a high profile businessman who was subsequently convicted of that sort of thing and committed suicide in jail.

With the public charm offensive in support of Prince Charles’ eventual accession to the throne in full swing, the Royal Family had hoped to enjoy considerable popularity as the year draws to a close. Instead, a rant at the tabloids, reported tensions between the Sussex and Cambridge Households, controversy over the use of a pop star’s private jet and now a sex scandal have caused Her Majesty to contemplate “Annus Horribilis II” as the theme to her Christmas broadcast to her subjects and other citizens. Sources close to The Palace suggest that Her Majesty’s draft script contains the statement, “The year took a turn for the worse when Boris Johnson became One’s prime minister,” and it’s unclear whether Jeremy Corbyn becoming the next prime minister just before the broadcast is due to be recorded will make matters better or worse.

Member of the public, Ian Napton, told us, “We’re not exactly shocked, are we? Randy Andy’s only a bit player in the Royal soap opera. He wouldn’t be the first middle-aged man to bed a minor and embarrass his family.”

The Duke of York’s interview on the BBC will no doubt have caused Her Majesty some discomfort and The Duke of Edinburgh’s “That’s my boy!” post on the official Palace Twitter account, hastily deleted, will not have helped, either.

The Duke of York himself strenuously denies that any sexual contact occurred and insists he was in a pizza restaurant with another young woman instead. 

When thanked for the interview by the BBC’s Emily Maitlis, the Duke replied, “No sweat.”

Meanwhile, the Monarchy continues.


By Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

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