Tue. Jan 25th, 2022
Oil trading

Diplomacy between the UK and the USA is being tested early in the New Year following the assassination of Qasem Soleimani.

Roy Keane
I’m not mad!

The UK would ordinarily have expected to have been informed in advance that military action was being taken, but this wasn’t the case. Downing Street is understood to be “disappointed.”

A spokesman for the prime minister told us, “Boris is furious. Had he received the customary tip-off, he and his rich pals would have piled into oil, making a swift profit, selling before the weekend arrived. This has cost a lot of money.”

Britain’s new Ambassador in Washington DC, Ian Napton, was seen leaving the White House shortly after news of the assassination broke. He told us, “President Trump is currently in Florida attending to his golf course, but I have raised this crass lack of communication with White House officials. I, personally, could have made a fortune had I known about this. All we needed was a single phone call, but no. Too much trouble, obviously.”

Observers have speculated that Trump is merely exerting authority over the prime minister, tightening America’s grip of “the special relationship.” 

“Trump knows that the UK will just be a third-rate independent nation in a few weeks’ time,” Gary Lineker told us. “He’ll have us where he wants us and he’s just giving us a taster now of what’s to come.”

Meanwhile, Brexit continues.


By Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

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