Wed. Apr 14th, 2021
Priti Patel

The Home Office was thrown into panic today after a mistake by an intern led to Priti Patel authorising her own deportation.

It appears that Ms Patel’s personal details were given to the intern with instructions to buy an airline ticket for an official trip. The intern mixed up the paperwork resulting in a deportation order being drafted using Ms Patel’s details.

Priti is very busy, so when a stack of deportation orders were presented to her for approval, she signed them without reading the names. They were then sent for processing and next thing we knew about it was when Border Force officials turned up and whisked her off to Gatwick Airport.

Christian de Ficitt, Home Office Lackey

The Home Office immediately reacted to the problem by filling in several forms, calling meetings and scheduling reviews. But it was a family friend that lodged a court appeal, after resolving a bitter dispute between several activist immigration lawyers over which one of them had to take the case.

We managed to present sufficient evidence to convince the court that Priti had a legal right to live in the UK. Several colleagues also gave character references, but nevertheless, the justices ordered her release.

Vlad The Impaler, Prit Patel’s Inspiration

Ms Patel is now back at the Home Office and the matter is considered closed.

We dealt with the intern using internal disciplinary procedures, typically this would involve giving them a £40k salary increase before sacking them.

Emma Pathe, Head of Woke, Human Resources and Cognitive Realignment
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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!