Thu. Jul 7th, 2022

Fleeing persecution from his angry Gran, Prince Harry has been granted political asylum in Canada.

It’s understood that Harry sneaked out of the country aboard a rubber dingy to Ireland, where, disguised as H from Steps, he was able to get on a flight to Canada.

Harry rowing a dingy
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream

Friends are delighted to know that he has reached safety and been granted sanctuary from his incredibly privileged life in Britain.

Details of the daring escape are sketchy, it’s thought that with his reluctance to travel by car that he escaped detection by riding to Abergavenny on one of his father’s polo ponies. Netflix has announced that they have a film of the escape in development.

In Canada, he was reunited with his wife and son, who had escaped some days earlier. Prudence dictated that it was too risky for them to travel together.  In many ways, their journey was even more perilous as they took a Ryan Air flight from Stanstead to Paris before connecting to Canada.

Apparently, the Queen has described Harry’s escape as ‘very disappointing’. “Prince Philip is not as sprightly as he used to be,” she said, before adding “One still owns Canada, you know”.  

Inside sources say that the Royal Couple will be given a new identity as itinerant trinket salesman working the Yukon, where they will sell their own branded over-priced tat. It’s hoped that their incredible wealth, privilege and the remote location will keep them safe from reprisals.

H and M selling trinkets
Get your real Sussex tat, best prices guaranteed

By The Crown Prince

As you can see from his regal bearing his majesty is a fine specimen of ape hood. By way of disclaimer any suggestion of parties involving a Prince of the Realm are unfounded.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!