As part of the Brexit negotiations, Kent is to be given to France and renamed Frangleterre.

As most of Kent is a desolate wasteland, we haven’t lost anything by doing this. Have you been to Sittingbourne? Margate? Or Gillingham? This area was once the garden of England, but not now. The Government were going to turn all this into a post-Brexit lorry park. So, if you are going to have a hard border, you may as well get the damned French to pay for it.

Ian Napton, Dominic Cummings ‘Blue Sky’ thinker.

From the first of January, anyone entering Kent will require a blue passport, travel insurance and little GB sticker on the back of their car. The roads will switch to right-hand drive, and all signage will become dual-language. Smoking will become compulsory for all adults.”

One British minister claims it is not all bad news. “It won’t be necessary to cross the channel to enjoy duty-free shopping. Brits will be able to drive to Margate to load up with alcohol, fags and Toblerone at pre-Brexit prices. Of course, those who don’t drive to Kent to buy wine will feel like they are shopping in Waitrose.”

Cheese consumption will become mandatory, and everyone will get 3 weeks off in the summer for Industrial Action.

Cheap stereotype

Once entering Frangleterre, British citizens will have the freedom and the right to travel to a camp-site in Calais. Unfortunately, as Britain is no longer in the EU; any Brits with a second home in France, will have to relocate to Sheerness.

Nigel Farage said “What? Does this mean I can smoke in the pub again? Mmmm… Sounds like I’m back, Baby! I’m starting the Frexit Party, who is with me?”