Sun. May 22nd, 2022
Frodo and Bilbo's house

Gandalf the White, Bilbo and Frodo are leaving the Shire and Middle Earth, for the Elven Tax Havens.

The move follows earlier news that the Eldar (Elven folk) are themselves heading for economic exile in The Elven Tax Havens, following SHEXIT (the Shire Exit from Middle Earth and the Alliance of Men). The trio will take the remaining Rings of Power, a hoard of Mithril silver; and all the soft toilet rolls they can carry.

SHEXIT ended Freedom of Movement between the Shire and the other countries of Middle Earth and refugees from the war with Mordor have been stopped from crossing Brandywine in coracles. Frodo was known to be against this policy having travelled widely himself.

I think Mr Frodo has had enough of SHEXIT. It was bad enough when the Council of Elrond was prorogued, but after Wetherspoons took over the Prancing Pony at Bree, that was the final straw.

Samwise, a close personal friend

SHEXIT was the brainchild of Nigel Saruman; who led a populist campaign against the Alliance, which is governed in Gondor.

Why should we pay taxes to an unelected King, and rebuild a city destroyed in a reckless war he fought against the peaceful folk of Mordor? It wasn’t our battle and now the people displaced by it want to come to the Shire and drink all our beer and shag our sheep.

Nigel Saruman, Arsehole

Aragon, King of Gondor and the lands of Middle Earth said “Yeah, good luck with that!”.


By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!