Thu. Jul 7th, 2022
Donald refuses to leave the Whitehouse

Plans to evict Trump from the Whitehouse are being put into place in the event that he refuses to leave.

The NSA (National Security Agency) will lead the operation and have been discussing the potential difficulties.

The operational challenge will mostly be keeping him out of the basement bunker. If he holes up in there we’re screwed: That place is impregnable.

Agent Smith, NSA

It is understood that the strategy will be to coax Trump into the Rose Garden with the promise of a bigley press conference and bigley Big Mac; then quickly change the locks, hang garlic flowers around the doors and windows and pour a circle of salt around the building perimeter.

If the primary option fails, we may have to go with our ‘Pharaoh’ plan. This will involve converting the Whitehouse bunker into a replica of the temple of Karnak and convincing him that he has transcended to become a ‘Living God’, whose magnificence can only be safety endured by the Brotherhood of Trumpist Monks. We can then keep him out of harm’s way until the meds take effect.

Agent Smith, Another one, NSA

Experts say that whatever the outcome, the Whitehouse may still be rendered unusable for a few years until the smell of bullshit fades. Although the Rose Garden is understood to have benefited… bigley.


By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!