Wed. Jan 27th, 2021
Dracula says stop the stop the count

Dracula has filed a lawsuit against President Trump, citing social class discrimination.

It is understood that the movements of the venerable vampire have been severely curtailed, resulting lost ‘business’ opportunities.

It is verrry frustrate you know? I voss doink fine, mindink mine own business, vhen dis Trumpf guy tells everybody to be ‘Stoppink das Count’. Now, I cannot go out for ze bite without some dumkopf in das baseball hat gettink in my face. It ist das pain in the neck, you know? Especially für them.

Count Dracula, He’s just this guy

A Whitehouse lackey has apologised to the Count, explaining that their intentions had been misunderstood.

We told our people that counts in favour of Sleepy Joe should be stopped. A misunderstanding arose when they thought that Mr. Dracula was a Biden supporter because of the blue silk sash on which he wears his conservative party crest.

Billy-Bob Napton, Redneck

Now they understand that the Count is a blood-sucking capitalist, there should be no further problems.

Meanwhile, a grade school maths teacher with an abacus has been employed by the Whitehouse to explain counting to the President.


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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!