Thu. Jan 28th, 2021
Turn it off and on again

Scientists have successfully developed a vaccine that is effective against bullshit and it’s a game changer.

There were scenes of jubilation and rejoicing across the nation today after the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) approved the use of the vaccine in the general population.

The scientists who developed the vaccine say that it is 98.5% effective in stimulating an immune response across the complete spectrum of bullshit, allowing the immunised to immediately “wake up and smell the coffee”.

The vaccine is incredibly potent and very safe. We tested it on over two hundred thousand individuals and almost all of them could detect bullshit when they were exposed to it. Many of them said that they had given up watching BBC Question Time as a result.

Dr N.S. Sherlock, Professor of Bovine Scatology

The vaccine is said to have no physical side effects, but that errant spouses should be aware that hoodwinking their partners is going to be difficult in the future.

We do have some concerns about the effect of this on business. The used car, solar panel and funeral plan insurance sectors could be significantly affected. Also, the impact on social media micro-advertising is expected to be dramatic.

William Nomates, British Chamber of Commerce Spokesperson

A government spokesperson told the Chimp that they were “delighted by this great British innovation” and that they would “welcome it with open arms”. But we had already been vaccinated during the trial phase and they are talking bullocks again.


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By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!