Due to an unfortunate spelling error, Harrods hired Satan; Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls, to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children. It seems they are intent on putting the grot into grotto.
Unfortunately, a dyslexic intern tried to book Santa and his little helpers. However, when the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d misspelt Santa and booked Satan instead.
Harrods realised they had a problem when Satan turned up for his first shift. Understandably, fearing for their mortal souls, no one in management was willing to tell The Lord of Misrule that there had been an infernal cock-up.
“I wasn’t sure about taking the job, but this is a chance for Satan Industries to open up a new market and reestablish our reputation. The growth of Social Media and Reality Television has changed the public perception of Hell™ and the Eternal Pit of Despair. Downstairs, we’re struggling to come up with anything worse than is shown on their screens every day. I don’t know how they stand it. This sort of campaign will help us get things back on track.”
“I didn’t realise what a sea of negativity the grotto queue was. All those whining children, the stressed-out parents, it’s a gold mine. All of the deadly sins are in abundance, and it’s glorious.”
A store spokesman added;
“Initially, it seemed disastrous, but we’ve been busier than ever. Attendance is up on last year; people can’t wait to hand over their eternal souls for a PS5. We have had second-rate guitarists, candidates for The Apprentice, and Tory MP’s queuing around the block.”
The Store confirmed that Satan would be back next year, and they’re negotiating some additional appearances at Easter and Halloween.
Demand for Satan’s Grotto is high, so book early. Entry is one eternal soul per family.
Categories:Monkey Business, Xmas