Fri. Nov 27th, 2020

A right-wing, tax dodging, think tank has put forward a radical proposal to help those suffering under COVID regulations.

There is a risk that a higher tax burden will fall hardest on those making the greatest effort to avoid paying any! Something must be done!

Ian Napton, Right-wing wank tank spokesman.

The wank tank suggest they can create greater wealth for themselves, drive the economy forward and increase international trade with a radical plan. Apparently, the reintroduction of coal-fired central heating could fix the problem.

Mr Trump has invented very clean coal. If we bring in this cheap American coal, then we can reinvigorate the chimney sweeping business. And that will provide gainful employment for thousands of starving children, who can’t afford to feed themselves. That should shut up Marcus ‘bloody’ Rashford.

A deluded Mr Napton.

The wank tank point out that this will necessitate a Free Trade Agreement with the USA. This can be achieved by ‘selling our souls’. It won’t be the first time.

Critics of the scheme claim that it will increase pollution, decimate nursery schools, and return the country to Dickensian levels of destitution.

That’s the idea. Bloody Millenials, they’re such dramatic snowflakes: It’s not like we are selling their kids into slavery… although that could be a profitable side-line.


Do you fancy writing for the 83rd Best Satire Site on the Internet?

Think you can write a better story? Why not give it a go? Send your fantastical tale to submissions@chattychimp.com

We look forward to hearing from you.


identicon

By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!