Reform UK Ltd founder and supporter Rupert ‘The  Lowest’ Lowe MP has been suspended from Der Party following allegations of bullying, intimidation and threatening behaviour. One commentator noted the irony of a party whose raison d’etre is to bully, intimidate and threaten minorities, expelling a member for doing just that.

We should point out that Mr Lowest proudly proclaims his innocence, for all the good that will do. Now, Rupert is threatening to set up his own party, provisionally called Reform Yuk Ltd.

In the last election, five MPs were elected to Parliament. With the expulsion of The Lowest, they are down to four. Of these four, three are unhappy with the leadership of the owner of Der Party, Nigel Faragovich, and are seeking his removal.

Following a promise to democratise Der Party, Mr Faragovich moved Reform UK Ltd v1 into a newly formed holding company under his control, Reform UK Ltd v2. He then wrote a series of rules allowing the members to try and vote him out. Under these rules, members would have better luck finding the Golden Snitch. 

Reform UK Ltd v2 has been rebranded, for marketing purposes, to Reform CUK Ltd.

Meanwhile, Richard ‘Dubai’ Tice, MP and economic migrant, is disappointed to find himself playing second fiddle to Mr Faragovich and is rumoured to be setting up the splinter group, Reform FUK U Ltd. His constituents are welcome to visit his surgery, which is held at the Burj Khalifa every Tuesday after afternoon prayers.

Not content with being Der Party’s bag carrier, Lee Anderthal MP, said, “Fuck this, I’m off,” before adding, “I’ve been in lots of parties, and each time it has been a disaster. This time, I’ll start my own party, Refrom SUKs Ltd. Sorry about the typo. I made a mistake filling out the company registration form.”

The Reform UK Ltd v1 Party spokesman on domestic violence. James ‘The Nutter’ McMurdock MP is staying loyal to Mr Faragovich but is rumoured to be filing a new company, Reform Doesn’t Work UK Ltd, “just in case”. We should point out for legal purposes that The Nutter doesn’t do the hitting women thing anymore.

This leaves Mr Faragovich in charge of Reform CUK. Naughty Nigel is a great admirer of bullying and intimidatory men. It’s possibly something he picked up at Dulwich College. This explains why Donald Trump’s nodding acquaintance remains loyal to his paymaster, Vladamir Putin the Boot. Well, that and the vast amount of cash he his trousering.

In short, Reform UK Ltd v1 is to reform into a reformed version of Reform UK Ltd. This reformed version of reform will, itself, reform, etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile, as the watching public reaches for the second bag of popcorn, they wonder how a party with five MPs can implode and how could this bunch of incompetent, retarded, racists ever hope to run the country.

In late-breaking news, Reform UK Ltd voters have split from the party, demanded their £25 joining fee be returned and gone off to rejoin the Tory Party.