The Government announced plans to build a wall around Hull and fill it with refugees, asylum seekers, and illegal immigrants.

“I’d just enjoyed a particularly fine plate of cheese and a decanter of Dow’s vintage port when what do you know, Escape from New York came on the telly. It’s a classic. Anyway, I thought, my, what a whizzo idea. I was on the blower to Yvette Balls straight away. She’s all for it.” Said Lord Ian Napton.

Under the scheme, SERCO will ship the immigrants off to Hull, where their first job will be to build a wall around the city. Once they have built the wall, the immigrants will enter the city and make themselves at home.

We asked the junior minister, “What will happen to the residents of Hull?”

Ian told us, “They’ll stay. For God’s sake, man, they are from Hull! We can’t go around moving people out of their homes to accommodate immigrants; think of the scandal. No, they can stay. It’s not like they will make it any worse than it already is.”

“Minister, do you mean the immigrants?”

“No, boy, the Hullians.”

Understandably, the tofu-eating wokeratti were up in arms about the plan. One spokesperson said, “Where’s the Government’s humanity? Haven’t these people suffered enough? You can’t just do this to people?”

“The Hullians?”

“No, the immigrants, boy. Imagine travelling thousands of perilous miles, escaping from a wretched land, wrecked by poverty, war and famine. Stalked by death at every turn, without aid, medicines, or succour, to get here by dinghy, only to end up in Hull. My God, haven’t they suffered enough?”

In a surprise move, Ligel Farage and the Reform UK Ltd company came out against the idea. “No one deserves that.” Said the frog-faced child of the establishment.

We attempted to speak with several channel crossers, but they hastily pushed the dinghies away from the Dover coast. “Come on, lads, let’s try Dublin.”

Meanwhile, politicians of every hue continue to divide the poor and working class whilst they continue to make out like bandits.