Monkey Games

Gary Neville finally admits Spurs might have gotten a bit better

After his claim on Monday night that Spurs have ceased to be quite the weak, spineless, cowardly, pathetic, gutless, submissive, pusillanimous, yellow-bellied, irresolute, chicken-hearted side they have been for “the last 30 years”, Gary Neville has gone on to make another shocking admission that strikes at the heart of everything we have thought to be true; things change over time.

“Look” said Neville, speaking loudly into the microphone at a McDonald’s Drive-Thru, “The Manchester City we’ve known since their foundation in 1887 has been feeble, lily-livered, wimpy, abject, abominable and embarrassing. I remember in my day when you’d go 2-0 down at Manchester City and think ‘who the hell is Paul Dickov anyway?’, but they’re not actually like that anymore.”

Though the staff pointed out that what he was saying was blindingly obvious, and repeatedly asked Mr Neville if he actually planned to order any food, he went on, “Look at Chelsea. I remember when they used to bring on Winston Bogarde as an impact sub, and when their goalkeeper was a Dutch tax executive with a wavy fringe and spatulas for arms, but they actually seem to have some decent players now.”

Pressed to explain this comment, Neville said, “I think what’s happened is that, over time, these clubs have received investment, they have brought in superior coaches and players and now they are able to beat teams who they might, once upon a time, have lost to 3-1 in the Worthington Cup.”

The fast-food chain ended up presenting Neville with a Happy Meal, in the hope he might cheer up a little bit.

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