Monkey News

Finally, the long awaited return of the nations favourite game show, ‘I’m a Conservative, Somebody Get Me Out of Here’

This week sees the return of the much loved game show, I’m a Conservative, Somebody Get Me Out of Here.

The new season sees a thrilling new format, presaged by a series of preliminary heats which saw 8 Conservatives leave the camp ahead of the live final. Some contestants were clearly unhappy about leaving early, especially as they’re having to get by on a newspaper columnists salary, of £275,000 a year.

In the pre-season teaser, the latest Conservative to leave the camp was Boris’s brother,  Jo Johnson, leading many viewers to comment, “What do you mean there’s another one?”

It’s intrigue and game playing right from the start with Camp-leader, Theresa May,  publishing her draft Brexit agreement, and it appears no-one is happy with it.

With Brexit, turning into the UK’s biggest disaster in the last 70 years, and no-one wanting to take any responsibility for the mess, the exodus from this season’s government is expected to be quicker than Romanian Fruit Pickers at the end of Strawberry season.

Having examined the Brexit Blueprint, Boris, the Camp-clown, said “That’s the biggest load of old bollocks I’ve seen since I had a mirror fitted to my bedroom ceiling but if it will help me be PM I’m willing to swallow anything.”

When asked how he felt about tackling the Tusk Juncker Trial, Jacob said “One’s not swallowing that load of dingo’s kidneys, I don’t care if everyone else in the camp does go hungry.”

One prominent Conservative said, “Given the cock-up we’ve made of the whole thing you’d think we’d be all be at risk of losing the public vote in the first week but thanks to Jeremy Corbyn, it looks like we will be here until Xmas.”

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