Monkey Business

Greggs, controversially, launch a 100% Vegan sausage roll

Following on from a concerted campaign by a bunch of Guardian reading do-gooders, Greggs have decided to drag themselves into the modern age by launching a 100% Vegan sausage roll.

The new roll, made with 100% Vegan, will be available from tomorrow in all branches of Greggs. The company recommends it as best being served too hot on the outside, freezing in the middle and covered in Brown Sauce. 

Ian Napton, spokesman for Greggs denied this was a publicity stunt, “It’s pure coincidence that we launched this new product with a fanfare of  pretend controversy, just when everyone was making pointless new year’s resolutions to be healthier. Although it did give the marketing department something to get their teeth into.”

The company confirmed that the Vegans were ethically sourced and all Vegans had been meat free for at least three months prior to slaughter.

We only use free range Vegans, many have roamed widely across the globe. They have been fed a steady diet of lentils, pulses and mung beans washed down with Mead.”

The company claim the Vegan Rolls are a healthier option than the traditional almost meat based product their customers are used to. The Vegan diet is very low in fat which should appeal to new year’s dieters everywhere.

One downside is consumption of the new rolls does leave the consumer with an, unjustified, in-built sense of moral superiority which they will be more than happy to talk about.

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