Monkey News

Chris Grayling seems unsure what a queue of lorries looks like. We’ve provided a picture to help.

Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, seems unfamiliar with what a queue of lorries looks like. In preparation for a No Deal Brexit, his department has arranged for 89 lorries to roll around Kent, to simulate the disruption caused by 12,000 trucks a day being stranded at Dover.

Critics wondered why he hadn’t heard of Operation Stack. This is where Kent Police close 3 Junctions of a motorway, and use an airport called Manston, to stack up lorries when the weather is a bit iffy or the French want a day off.

They went on to suggest that if he wants to play with trucks he get himself off to The Early Learning Centre and play with the wooden versions, rather than waste a shed load of money sending empty trucks down uncongested roads.

Ian Napton, a DoT spokesperson explained, “Chris is a bit worried that after giving a boating contract to a company with no boats that he might look a bit of a plonker if Kent ends up being one giant traffic jam. He feels that after his failures at DWP, the Department of Justice and the debacles with the Railway’s, Gatwick Airport and the boat thing he won’t get away with cocking up the road network, as well.”

One haulage driver said, “I don’t know what the point of that was. It was a nice day out, and I got paid but all we did was drive 20 miles one way and 20 miles back the other, in front of the tv cameras. No one even bothered looking in the back of my truck for contraband, refugees, migrants or vegan sausage rolls.”

The Prime Minister has confirmed she has full confidence in Chris Grayling.

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