Sun. May 22nd, 2022
Milkshake ban to protect Trump

The Met have declared that whilst Donald Trump is in town, the entire area inside the M25 is to be a Milkshake free zone.

They have confirmed this doesn’t only apply to Strawberry, Chocolate and Vanilla but any flavour of shake. Additionally anyone trying to get around the ban by freezing it and claiming it’s ice cream will be prosecuted.

Food retailers claim the police are being heavy handed, and ask that the ban only apply to take away orders, however The Met have declined to relax the ban, “You’re a bunch of devious bastards, you’ll just put it in your own cups and then where would we be?” Said Sergeant McInally.

The Home Office have confirmed that Milkshakes are now officially classed as an Offensive Weapon. This means that carrying a concealed Milkshake will carry a sentence of up to five years.

Critics have asked if the police response is proportionate, and if so why haven’t they taken the same measures with knives?

Sergeant McInally told us that no-one was going to get anywhere near The President with a knife. He’s surrounded by armed guards, metal detectors and has a stab vest on. Knife wielders are very unlikely, but anyone could have a Milkshake. The last thing you want is an extra large Thick and Creamy causing an international incident. “We can’t risk The President of the USA being made to look foolish.”


By Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

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