Monkey News

The Devil adds an eternal, unresolvable, Brexit to the punishments of Hell

Satan, host to The Damned and deliverer of The Eternal Punishments has come up with a new, and terrifying, circle of Hell, The Brexitarium.

Hades spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Satan has spent the last couple of years watching the British people slowly, and irretrievably, sinking further and further into despair as the endless Brexit debate has gone on. He feels that an eternity of listening to an unresolvable Brexit, would be a fitting torture for the souls of the damned.”

“Some of the demons were concerned that The British will just accept it with a resigned shrug of the shoulders but His Eternal Infernalness thinks the relentless, soul sapping nature of the debate will win out in the end.”

The plan is to set up an infinite House of Commons, the benches populated with the truly wretched and make them listen to, and participate in, endlessly deadlocked Brexit debates. At regular intervals Britain’s sense of National Despair will be timed to wash over them like a wave, plunging them into even greater depression.

All the major voices of Brexit will be there; Theresa will shout ‘”It’s the will of the people, why does nobody love me?”, Farrage, Johnson, Gove et al will chunter meaningless racist drivel, Andrew Neil, Piers Morgan and Andrew Marr will host sycophantic interviews with any passing right winger and Jeremy Corbyn will sit there ‘playing the long game’.

Ian explained, “The only exception is Jacob Rees-Mogg, he has his own punishment. He’ll spend eternity in a benefits office in Middlesbrough, where the only way to end his torment will be to successfully complete a Universal Credit benefit application. We’re quite proud of that one.