Scientists have picked up mysterious radio signals from across the other side of the galaxy. Using some pretty sophisticated software, cryptographers from The Dan Brown Academy, working with top astrophysicists, have decoded the message.
It reads, “Dear Humanity, we’re sick to the back teeth of Brexit, either leave or stay but stop dragging it out, ffs just get on with it.”
Unbelievably, the message from the Aliens, designed to help alleviate the most serious political catastrophe since the last one, has produced anger, debate and ill-informed comment from just about everyone.
Piers Morgan was quick to point out, “What business is it of the aliens? They should butt out and stop interfering in how we run our country. Bloody immigrants“, he said from his home in The States.
Whereas Jeremy Clarkson went with, “Brexit is a disaster, there I said it. Now look at the faces of all those Guaridan readers having to agree with me. Happy Schadenfreude motherfuckers.”
Theresa May wondered, “Oh, Aliens? Speaking to me? It must be another message from God. Surely, they will support my deal! Do you think they’ll be my friend? “
The leader of the opposition had this message, “I think we’ll just wait and see. What do Aliens know about the ownership of the means of production in Barnsley? Anyway, I’m playing the long game. Is this where I mutter something about a general election?”
In a late breaking addition to this story it turns out the scientists from The Dan Brown Academy got it wrong and it was just a rapidly spinning neutron star passing behind a black hole.