P&O have announced that they will be registering their cross channel ferries under a Cypriot Flag of Convenience.

They’ve decided to change fleet registration after finding out that Chris Grayling, Minister for Transport, will have responsibility for Cross Channel ferry services once Britain leaves the EU, on 29 March 2019. 

Their spokesman, Ian Napton, explained, “Well, we couldn’t believe it. The man has made a right pig’s ear of everywhere he’d been. They had to get him out of the Justice Department before civil war broke out.

He’s only been running transport for five minutes and he’s buggered the rail network by simply looking at the timetable. Cross rail is late and over budget, HS2 is going the same way.  He managed to close our second busiest airport over Christmas, resulting in the Army taking it over. 

He’s given a ferry contract to a company with no boats, run by a man who bankrupted the only shipping company he’d run.

Imagine what he could do to us, if we let him have control of our business.  No, we are much better off in Cyprus, at least we might be able to keep our boats.”

Asked for a comment one senior Conservative said, “Well, you can’t blame them. The man’s a balloon.”

It’s thought that by changing to Cypriot registration P&O’s Ferry Services to and from the continent will remain uninterrupted so long as Mr Grayling says and does nothing.