Tue. Oct 27th, 2020
Earthquake send house prices plummeting in Surrey

An earthquake measuring 3.6 on the Richter Scale caused house prices to shake in Surrey, this morning.

Ian Napton, an estate agent and resident of Newdigate, was woken unexpectedly at 3.42am as £50,000 was temporarily wiped off the value of his house. “I just had time to start calculating the cost of lost commissions for the business when the house stopped shaking.”

The Emergency Services were overloaded with callers worried about the potential fall in house values. On-line estate agents websites crashed, as their servers were over-loaded by local residents, fearing for property values.

Giles Farquhar-Williams, a stockbroker, told us, “I’ve absolutely mortgaged this place to the max, any fall in house prices and I’m properly screwed. If I couldn’t borrow against a 20% rise in house prices every year it would be a catastrophe, we would end up living on own brand food and drink.”

There was concern amongst fellow neighbours at the thought of being in negative equity. “I thought I was having a nightmare.” said Gavin, “At one point I was frightened I wouldn’t be able to afford the latest Range Rover and believed I would have to buy Japanese. It’s going to take months of therapy to get over this.” 

Fortunately for the people of Surrey, the earthquake ended as suddenly as it began, and no wealth was irreparably harmed. Now that this has been confirmed, enquiries can begin into the welfare of older people living alone.

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By Colin

Colin is one of our more experienced writers, he is very fond of a cup of tea, a bourbon biscuit and a bit of a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Been noted to express disapproval with a hrrump!

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