Sun. Oct 24th, 2021
Southern Rail replacement bus service

In a refreshing burst of honesty Southern Rail has decided to rebrand itself as Southern Buses.

Company Spokesman, Ian Napton explained, “It’s more reflective of our operation and how it works. We run far more buses than trains, the fact that we are charging full train fares for a bus journey makes it an immensely profitable business for us.”

Commuters have been quick to welcome the change, saying “Whatever, how much more am I going to have to pay not to get to work on time?”

The beleaguered transport minister Chris Grayling, said he thought the move was a step forward, and he was just delighted they had some buses. It was pointed out to him that Southern Rail, don’t have any buses, they lease them in, before exclaiming, “Oh no, not again!”.

Following on from the exceptional profits Southern Rail made when they stopped running trains because of industrial action, it seems the company make more money from not operating a train service.

It’s this inspired, ‘Thinking the Unthinkable’ that’s behind the recent decision to stop running trains all together. Whilst commuters were initially pleased with the news that Southern Rail were no longer going to be running trains, they were disappointed to learn that no-one would be running trains. The £300 million, line upgrade is still going ahead as planned.


By Bernard

Bernard has been with us since the beginning. Bright, funny and blessed with a sharp satirical edge are things he wish had been said about him.

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