Following the latest spate of cabinet resignations, Theresa May was faced with a serious staffing shortfall. In order to solve this problem she has been forced to draught in immigrant ministers from The West Indies.
As the first batch of ministers arrived to help out, the Daily Mail was incandescent with rage. They claimed these immigrant ministers simply won’t understand our culture, or how our government works. Before adding that they would still be living here in 40 years time, probably on benefits.
Supporters of the plan were quick to point out that if anyone understands how this government works, “You’re a better man than me, Gunga Din“.
The problem was caused because; the ministers who resigned over Brexit, plus the number who had been sacked for being lying, cheating scoundrels combined with those who hate her guts meant there were no replacements left.
Plans to reach out to the Labour Party were quickly dismissed, “I’m not letting that man anywhere near Downing Street, before you know it he’d be claiming squatters rights and re-arranging the furniture.“
Cabinet Secretary, Ian Napton, explained, “She didn’t have a choice. There were no competent members of her own party, she could give the jobs too. If Theresa hadn’t reached out to the Caribbean, there was a real possibility Boris would have been asked back and no-one wants that.”
The Origins of the Immigrant Ministers Story
This one was driven by the high number of government resignations, over Brexit and the deal/no deal options.
There were clues that there was a crisis in finding suitable ministers for government posts. Here is a brief lists of recent faux pas; A Brexit Secretary who doesn’t know the significance of Dover; a Northern Ireland Secretary who doesn’t know anything about the troubles; a Transport Secretary that closed down an airport, a national train service and gave an emergency ferry contract to a company with no boats; a Foreign Secretary who offends the Serbs By referring to them as a Soviet Vassal State; a Trade Secretary who offended the Japanese so badly they cancelled trade talks; a Defence Minister who offended the Chinese so badly they cancelled trade talks; And don’t forget Ben Bradley.
The use of the West Indies was a reference to Theresa May’s Windrush debacle.
Adding in the staffing shortages faced in industry and public services following Brexit, the two elements come together nicely.
We’ve covered Brexit and jobs before; https://chattychimp.com/2018/09/21/university-of-life-to-offer-a-post-brexit-degree-in-fruit-picking-cleaning-and-making-coffee/
Details of the latest batch of resignees, are here; https://www.itv.com/news/2019-03-26/the-ministers-who-have-resigned-as-parliament-takes-control-over-brexit/
That is, unless any others have gone since we wrote this piece, in which case you’re on your own.