Coronation StreetMonkey Business

Coronation Street, where everyone drinks for free

While the political classes are spending their every waking moment trying to fathom what might happen next with Brexit, the people who actually voted for the damn thing are pondering an entirely different problem.

Why do you hardly ever see money change hands in the pub in Coronation Street?

Coronation Street has been running for even longer than Brexit. Most scenes take place in t’pub. Pints are ordered and served, Rita has consumed a lake’s worth of vodka and tonic down the years, they have probably even discovered Prosecco. Yet nobody ever seems required to hand over money. How does the place stay in business? Millions of viewers are perplexed most nights.

Ian Napton, a spokesman for ITV, said, “Coronation Street depicts the miserable lives of downtrodden poor folk in a nasty northern town. Everyone knows they’re potless and couldn’t really afford to drink at real world pub prices, so we just avoid the subject. The pub is just the best venue when we need to stage a punch up scene or when Peter Barlow’s latest relapse into alcoholism needs to be trotted out.

Bill Roache, who plays Ken Barlow, Peter’s father, and the only actor to have appeared in the show since episode one, said, “Ken needed the free beer during the years he was married to Deirdre.”

Gillian Napton, a keen viewer and member of the show’s viewers panel, wasn’t convinced by the official explanation, even though the ITV spokesman is her husband. “If they don’t have to pay, why do you never see anyone asking for pork scratchings or cheese and onion crisps, then?”

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