Monkey Business

BBC News in meltdown as young Prince makes tinkle without Nanny

Today, the BBC News website crashed under the weight of stories reporting that the young Prince made a tinkle on his own.

Royal Correspondents, seasoned reporters and the office cleaner all filed stories confirming that the uniquely talented Prince had widdled, unaided.

It seems that the young Princeling was attending nursery, when he alerted staff of the need to go wee-wee. 46 staff promptly led his almighty majesty to the gender-neutral bathroom, where he dropped his trousers and pants before pointing Percy at the Porcelain.

Nicholas Witchell takes up the tale.

“The young Prince produced a strong flow, pale yellow and with the faint aroma of daisies. The sound of pee hitting the side of the bowl was like the singing of angels and beautifully accompanied the gentle hum his Highness maintained throughout.”

Nicholas Witchell, Professional suck-up

Once complete, the Princeling left the bathroom and rejoined his friends in the 46-bed Wendy House.

The head of the nursery, Miss Penelope, explained.

“We are so proud of him, it was a wonderful achievement, and we are glad the BBC decided to cover it in full detail. Next week they are coming back to see if he has learned to wash his hands. You have no idea of how much we can jack up the fees with this much news coverage.”

Lady Penelope Faughning-Windbag, working girl

The BBC in-depth news team also interviewed the nursery’s cleaner.

“He’s a dirty little boy only some of it went in the bowl. I don’t know what he did in there, but it’s halfway up the wall, and there is a puddle on the floor. I had to spend two hours cleaning it up. Did anyone thank me? No, of course they bloody well didn’t.”

Anonymous Poor Person, cleaner

The last comment lies with Nicholas

“Maybe the cleaner has a point, but I suspect she’s a lefty and a republican to boot. The important point is that the people of Britain can rest assured that their future King has a good strong flow and a fully functioning didgeridoo, which means lots of future Royal babies!”

Sir Nicholas Witchell,

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