Qatari Sociologist, Basher Al Hardah’s academic treatise ‘How to beat your wife, for Dummies’ is at the top of the Arab Times best seller list. The handy guide, with its’ simple easy to follow pictures, has proved popular with cowardly, mindless, insecure thugs and the religious.

Basher argues that when applying a beating, it’s important the woman feels the man’s strength and understands his masterfulness. He explains that science has shown this to be the will of God. A half-starved 10th Century goat herder wrote it down, so it must be true.

He cites a recent research paper, from the worlds leading 14th Century University, Qatar U, that found women expected to be treated just like badly behaved camels. Their bad behaviour can be corrected through the application of regular beatings.

The study was not without academic controversy. Peer Review questioned the methodology because Basher had asked a woman what it was like to be beaten. This chapter was removed and replaced by ‘How to beat a woman with sticks’, which was felt to be far more relevant.

The work has been nominated for a Nobel Prize for Scienceing, which is to be presented during the World Cup Finals. The Qataris are hopeful it will show the world what a wonderful, forward thinking, 15th Century society they are.

Whilst the book has been a bestseller in the Middle-East and Southern American States, it has flopped badly in Scotland. One Glaswegian lady was heard to say “Aye, ye ken?, try that here laddie you’ll be headin ooot wi’ ya baws in a bag.”

The Origins of The How to Beat Your Wife Story

The Middle-East has many customs we, in the West, feel to be wrong in a modern civilised society. These archaic practices are often tied to religion, as though this justifies their use. The beating of women, as portrayed in the video accompanying the story, is presented as a husbands duty. Here is the report, in the Daily Mail (Our apologies); https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/how to beat your wife

Describing Abd Al-Aziz Al-Khazra as a ‘Sociologist’, and thereby inferring a scientific or academic credibility to his work, just seemed to be taking the piss. We thought we would have a go too.

Chatty has run stories on Middle-Eastern barbarism before: https://atomic-temporary-148424745.wpcomstaging.com/2018/09/05/british-company-wins-contract-to-supply-wood-hammer-and-nails-for-saudi-arabian-crucifixions

It wasn’t just their barbarity that got to us, it was our governments willingness to treat them as friends that made it even more offensive.

The Glaswegian Lady gag, is a nod the wonderful Janey Godley, a vocal critic of domestic abuse and an amazingly funny stand up.