Monkey News

Police Service to provide more officers for criminals to attack

The Government recently announced an increase of twenty thousand police officers on the streets of England and Wales.

This reverse of policy is surprising as the Tories have presided over police numbers dropping by some 19,000 since they have been in power resulting in a marked increase in the level of violent crime on our streets.

A government insider claimed “We are sick of innocent people from UK being targeted by violent gangs rampaging the streets as they go about their daily business and it has become a national emergency. The PM is outraged.”

Also quoting this rise in violence towards the police he stated that “by adding a further 20,000 police officers and putting them on the streets we will reduce these attacks to an at least manageable level. With the rise in attacks on police the Prime Minister thinks that providing extra numbers on the beat will ensure that more police are targeted rather than Joe Public going for his shopping.”

A working group claimed that having more Police will make it far easier for criminals to find one to attack thus making it safer for everyone else.  

Defending the controversial policy the insider argued “The additions also make it safer for police by spreading the attacks around.  Every bobby in the country can feel safer knowing that by having more colleagues they might only have to suffer two or three violent attacks each per year.”

The government have yet to comment.

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