John BercowMonkey Business

Bercow set for a career in showbiz

John Bercow has revealed his plans for the future following his shock announcement he’s giving up playing Devil’s Advocate for a living.

Former Speaker of the House of Commons Mr Bercow, (604), has been offered his own primetime gameshow on ITV2 where he’ll pit Z-List politicians against Z-List celebrities, interrupt them and award points to the ones who get the least pissed.

Ecstatic about the change of career, Mr Bercow was quoted as saying, “I can’t wait to get stuck into bullying ex-Love Islanders and soap stars.”

The former English student is enthused at his sudden acquisition of even more power as it is revealed that during the show, he will be sat on a throne surrounded by fire, a moat filled with the blood of the unborn and a big neon sign reading “F*ck off Scots.”

Speaking to Radio Times, it was reported that Mr Bercow hopes that his new show spins-off into a talk show where he refuses to listen to guests, a Come Dine With Me analogue where he serves up harsh judgements and leaves the house early, and a version of Strictly where he gets to kneecap people he doesn’t like.

You can check out John Bercow’s Common House on ITV2 at 6PM tomorrow evening, unless he’s replaced by Harriet Harman and sent out to argue with that man in Wetherspoon’s who doesn’t know how to work the coffee machine.