England’s shy flatmate Wales announces that it feels “defeated’ after Thursday’s announcement that Scotland is evicting itself from the UK and Northern Ireland is paying less rent.

Michael Cooper, spokesperson for the Welsh Government said on Tuesday, “We’re beginning to feel a little forgotten about. Westminster isn’t even giving us the Netflix password anymore.”

However, taking the situation to the Welsh people has been an entirely different story. Speaking to Jan Wellows of Swansea, we asked what Brexit means to her and she replied with, “I don’t really have time for modern chart music.”

“Now that Scotland is taking matters into its own hands and moving everyone to its own independent country just past Guernsey, we’re feeling a little left behind,” Mr Cooper continued. “Everyone seems to be talking about England, and Northern Ireland’s had its girlfriend over most nights, and she isn’t paying any rent, so we don’t think we’re getting a fair deal here.”

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson later told Mr Cooper on the UK WhatsApp group to “sod off and stop being so Welsh” and Northern Ireland responded with a big obnoxious thumbs up.

“Come and join us,” Scotland’s First Minister Nicola Sturgeon was quoted telling Mr Cooper, “We’re having a great time, and the rent’s cheaper too.”

Reports indicated that Wales were planning on an emergency self-eviction this morning but have since decided against it because England are threatening to increase the tolls on the bridges.

“We’ll have our moment one of these days,” Mr Cooper concluded after spilling the UK WhatsApp group tea to the National Welsh Assembly. “And if not, we’ve got dragons and we’ll go all Game of Thrones on them.”

Meanwhile Brexit continues.

To go along with the theme of the story, we thought we would produce a tee shirt with the headline. The quote is attributed to the legendary Welsh stereotype, Fflamddwyn Jones. To buy the Tee shirt, click on the image and it will take you to the on-line shop.