Fat Cat Trader in a BentleyMonkey Business

Fat Cats get to work fewer hours for more money

Fat Cat City workers are demanding that they should now only have to work part-time hours.

Traders, Big Wigs and other City types have complained that the long hours they work cause them to have insufficient time to spend all of their money, and they should now be allowed to work from 9.00 till 4.00 only.

“We want to get up at 7.30 like other workers,” Ian Napton, a City type told us. “Obviously we still want our million pound bonuses, though.”

“Currently, I have to leave home at 4.30am to be in the Square Mile at 6.00am. Public transport is hopeless at that time of day, so I have to take the Bentley,” another worker told us. “And the cost of parking is horrendous.”

A third worker, who wished to remain anonymous, but everyone knows is Crispin Odey, said, “I don’t see the need for a long working day. I’ve generally made ten million quid shorting the British economy within five minutes of switching my computer on. Once I’ve made an online payment to Boris for his commission, I spend the rest of my day in expensive restaurants with Jacob Rees-Mogg.”

Although support for these overstretched workers was not universal, they did receive support from an unexpected quarter. A Mr J Corbyn told us that “This Tory government has driven a coach and horses through workers’ rights and it’s high time that the long hours culture was confined to the past. Labour supports these comrades in their fight for better working conditions.”

A spokesman for NHS workers who work around the clock for peanuts said, “Harrumph.”

Meanwhile, Brexit continues…