Ian Napton, a perfectly healthy man, in his early thirties, insists that as he is suffering from a slight head cold he’s on the verge of death.

It’s horrible, I felt a bit of a sniffle and had a couple of sneezes and that was it, I was done in. Of course, I immediately took to my bed, armed with nothing more than a couple of good books, my mobile, the laptop, the TV Remote and a Classic Car magazine. There is no telling how long I am going to be off my feet.

Ian Napton, Brave Little Soldier

Scientists say that over the Xmas period, incidences of infection increase as families and friends inflict their germ-infested children on each other, quickly spreading the head cold virus.

Ian’s wife, Gillian, said she thinks that is a load of old tosh made up by male scientists to justify having a few days in bed.

This happens every year, we get Xmas out of the way and he takes to his bed for a few days. It’s usually when the next series of Top Gear or The Grand Tour is about to start. I end up running up and down the stairs with tissues, hot lemon, bowls of Tomato Soup, tea and chocolate digestives. What does he do with all those tissues?

Gillian Napton, no Florence Nightingale

She went on to add, “It’s alright for his nibs but I’ve still got to carry on. I don’t get to lie around all day.”

The prognosis is good and Ian feels the scare has passed and he’ll be able to return to work by the middle of next week.