A Highgate school has ‘vehemently rejected’, an angry parent’s plea, to allow her child to continue schooling as normal.

Self-proclaimed ‘shakra and vibration guru’, Olivia Napton, claims that as ‘an energy shaman’, she should be considered a ‘key-worker’, therefore allowing her daughter Brabantia-Dragonflower, uninterrupted education.
Speaking passionately, Napton argued, ‘At a time of national crisis, it’s imperative that I am free to heal the afflicted. I plan to clang my gong and perform a healing dance, outside every major London hospital.’

Responding rapidly, the Highgate head, who wishes to remain anonymous, riposted, ’While we appreciate Ms Napton’s dedication, leaving Brabantia at the gates and running off, wasn’t entirely appropriate.’
Continuing wryly he went on, ‘It’s regrettable that Brabantia’s ‘’lively disposition’’, adversely affects Ms Napton’s energy field but a perhaps daily P.E session with Joe Wicks, will be a mutually affirming spiritual activity.’

James Webb Telescope unable to find Brexit Benefits
On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.

Brexit Opportunities Minister makes the most of his opportunity to sell the Pound
Look, if one can do it, anyone can do it, says the man selling Britain, as fast as he can, “It’s a great opportunity”

Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News