Hippie ChildMonkey Life

Highgate Head claims being a ‘Shakra and Vibration Guru’ doesn’t qualify you as a key worker

A Highgate school has ‘vehemently rejected’, an angry parent’s plea, to allow her child to continue schooling as normal.

Back to school
Back to school you little git

Self-proclaimed ‘shakra and vibration guru’, Olivia Napton, claims that as ‘an energy shaman’, she should be considered a ‘key-worker’, therefore allowing her daughter Brabantia-Dragonflower, uninterrupted education.

Speaking passionately, Napton argued, ‘At a time of national crisis, it’s imperative that I am free to heal the afflicted. I plan to clang my gong and perform a healing dance, outside every major London hospital.’

Ommmm, that will be a £150, please.

Responding rapidly, the Highgate head, who wishes to remain anonymous, riposted, ’While we appreciate Ms Napton’s dedication, leaving Brabantia at the gates and running off, wasn’t entirely appropriate.’

Continuing wryly he went on, ‘It’s regrettable that Brabantia’s ‘’lively disposition’’, adversely affects Ms Napton’s energy field but a perhaps daily P.E session with Joe Wicks, will be a mutually affirming spiritual activity.’


Nutella Braverman sends spy a “Please ignore my previous email” request

A furore has blown up after the Home Secretary, Nutella Braverman, sent classified emails using Gmail. Concerns arose when the Russian News agency published a story outlining Nutella’s strategy for dealing with the vast amounts of illegally laundered Russian wealth floating around London. It seems that Nutella wants to raise money by increasing the amount […]


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