Rumours in Whitehall are rife today the health secretary, Matt Hancock, is preparing an expletive filled speech concerning the Covid-19 crisis with people not observing the social distancing guidelines.
A department of health source close to Hancock refused to confirm or deny such a plan was in existence, commenting, “All I can say is there are an awful lot of post-it notes stuck around his office with the usual f**kers, c***s and w***ers on them” – they added, “He also got staff to drag young people in off the street to discuss urban language, and now there’s words stuck around we’ve never heard of”
It’s thought the plan for the health secretary to deliver the speech instead of the Prime Minister is due to Hancock looking and talking slightly less like a toff, plus ‘Matt’ instead of ‘Boris’ sounds more ‘right on’
Farage Riots – Season Two ‘Not as good as the original,’ says TV Critic
This summer brought season two of the hit series The Farage Riots to our screens. The new series aired relentlessly on all the major news channels. As the nation continued to scroll through online shopping apps on their phones, reporters came in their pants with excitement as cheap tracksuit-wearing football fans set about burning down…
Nigel Farage Misses Gold at Hide-and-Seek Championship
He may be slipperier than an eel in an oil tanker but even Nigel Mirage can catch Donald Trump!
“Poor people must work harder!” says Farage
“Work harder” says Frottage. “Don’t you mean work smarter?”. “No, I ahd it right the first time.”
Categories:Monkey Life, Monkey News, Politics
The Chatty Chimp 