Thu. Jun 24th, 2021
Matt Hancock

Rumours in Whitehall are rife today the health secretary, Matt Hancock, is preparing an expletive filled speech concerning the Covid-19 crisis with people not observing the social distancing guidelines.

A department of health source close to Hancock refused to confirm or deny such a plan was in existence, commenting, “All I can say is there are an awful lot of post-it notes stuck around his office with the usual f**kers, c***s and w***ers on them” – they added, “He also got staff to drag young people in off the street to discuss urban language, and now there’s words stuck around we’ve never heard of”

It’s thought the plan for the health secretary to deliver the speech instead of the Prime Minister is due to Hancock looking and talking slightly less like a toff, plus ‘Matt’ instead of ‘Boris’ sounds more ‘right on’

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By bootslacey

Just hanging around, noticing stuff and writing about it.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!