There was outrage from some woke goody-goody on Twatter after The Right Sir William Giles-Giles claimed that every time he sees a black woman, he wants to shoot them. He denies racism, claiming that as a “richie”, he can say whatever the fuck he likes.

In a widely circulated Twat one wokist said, “WTF is wrong with these people? Some billionaire stirs up racial hatred to get more votes for his workers just so he can pay less tax; what a Jeremy Hunt. #endracism”

Meanwhile, the Home Secretary has urged the Met to investigate the poor wokist as an ‘extremist’.

“Look, I’m not racist; some of my best staff are black!” cried Sir William G-G.

Speaking on behalf of the Tory Party, some poor shill was sent out on the news round to explain why they wouldn’t give back the £10 million GG had donated. “Giving money back when one of our donors says something abhorrent is the thin end of the wedge. His comments were taken out of context, part of a private conversation, a bad joke, what we are all thinking…no, hang on, scratch that last one. Anyway, it’s one of the above. Do you know how many fundraisers we hold to raise that kind of dosh? God! If I see another pair of pink trousers, I’ll scream.”

Meanwhile,  the Silly Billy returned to the fray. “I don’t see what’s wrong with saying that if you’re black, you should be shot; it’s not racist. No one is actually going to shoot black people, well, other than the police, of course, but that’s their job.”

“I have a good relationship with my staff; my Indian Chef knocks up a mean curry, and the Jamaican gardener grows some top bud! If I was racist, I wouldn’t let them on my grounds.”

Ian Napton MP, a consultant for Sir Willie’s companies, explained that “Britain is a meritocracy. It doesn’t matter about your skin colour; it’s how much money you have. Have you noticed that all the Asians, blacks and ethnics in the Government are all wealthy? If we were racist, they wouldn’t get in, although I’d like to see them try and get re-elected.”

“In this country, all you have to do to succeed is be born to wealthy parents, attend one of the top schools, belong to the right club and blame all of the country’s problems on someone else. It’s easy; anyone can do it. Quite frankly, if you’re poor, it’s nobody else’s fault but your own.”

Meanwhile, your Government continues.