The screeching of brakes drew attention outside Kensington Palace today as Palace staff threw The Princess of Wales under a bus on the orders of her husband and father-in-law.

Normally known for her immaculate portrayal of the perfect Princess, Kate appears to have been taking advice from her husband’s Uncle Andrew on photo editing. Acting under the strange misapprehension that the proletariat is interested in her family snaps, Kate has been held accountable for some elementary editing errors in a photograph later published on the couple’s social media feeds. Working on photo editing has been an unenviable task at the Palace ever since Andrew misconstrued advice on “the importance of touching up women”, costing the taxpayer £12 million, and fears of needing another taxpayer bailout abound.

Speculation on the Princess’ health had been rife in sycophant circles, and The Firm had decided to allay concerns by publishing a cosy, heartwarming “Aren’t they all lovely” photograph. Sadly, bits of the Princess were blurred, causing speculation to increase from “rife” to “fever pitch.” It’s the first time the Princess has put a foot out of place. Unkind commentators have suggested she put her foot behind her elbow in the first edited version.

So, what next for Kate? Her special skills include wearing new clothes, smiling in public, attending Wimbledon and waving. She has fulfilled her purpose, bearing three more Royal children. The previous Princess of Wales displeased The Firm and was “let go.” Scriptwriters for an as-yet unplanned series seven of The Crown are on standby.

Meanwhile, the hereditary system for preserving privilege for the few continues.