Monkey Life

Boris brings in the Mounties to run Track and Trace

Details of the Prime Minister’s Moonshot testing and tracing scheme are beginning to emerge. 

In the expectation of getting a Canadian style Free Trade Agreement, the Prime Minister is going to bring in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (Mounties) to hunt down errant pub-goers who falsify or refuse to give their contact details. 

Nobody has a clue about how he has equated the two; but you know Boris

Bemused Government Spokesperson

The lad himself gave the following statement:

We know that the RCMP, The Mounties, always get their man; it’s their credo. So we are going to use that expertise, that resolve. Track down the contacts and bring them in.

Boris Johnson, Mountebank

The Behavioural Insights Team (A.K.A. The “Nudge Unit”) has been working with online marketing agency “Intern Wealth” to create a series of micro marketing ads targeting older pub-goers who are less comfortable using modern technology. The ads will feature Dido Harding and Matt Hancock reprising the roles of Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy singing a rewritten version of the “Indian Love Call” from the movie “Rose-Marie”.

When we’re calling you-oo-oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo-oo. Pick-up so we get through oo-oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo-oo.

Witty Ditty by someone Shitty

“It’s going to be a real winner. Maybe we can get Oasis to reform and do a version of “Don’t look back in anger” when the public enquiry eventual happens.” – Nudge Unit Spook.

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