Seven years after Brexit, Kemi Badenoch has signed a historic trade deal with the evil ruler of Mongo. “Look, we always said that Brexit would bring exciting new trading opportunities. When we opened negotiations with Emperor Ming, it was immediately clear that we shared many of the same values. He is a vile dictator who likes to reduce his subjects to a lifetime of poverty, servitude and suffering while amassing considerable wealth along the way; well, so do we.”

The government hopes that signing the 150 trillion mongopound deal will distract attention from its widespread mismanagement of the UK.

When asked about Ming’s views on democracy, Kemi responded, “Mingy is very committed to the one man, one vote principle, he is the man, and he has the vote.” (Apologies to Sir Terry Pratchett for stealing this gag from Mort. If you haven’t read it, give yourself a treat.)

Meanwhile, the BBC’s tame interviewer, Laura Kuenssberg, failed to ask any probing or difficult questions about the trade deal, so it was left to someone else to point out one or two obvious flaws.

Professor Hans Zarkov warned against the deal claiming that Ming wanted nothing more than to destroy the earth, enslave the population and hang out with scantily dressed young ladies. He also said something about Ming’s effect on the climate, but no one listened.

While Dale Arden lamented that we have left the EU, Brexit was unfair, and now we are forced into making deals with empires on the other side of the universe. Although Michael Gove is buzzing at the chance to sample some of the famous Mongolian Marching Powder.

We asked the opposition leader for his views on the trade deal, but he was unavailable for comment…again.

Brexiteers were very vocal about the enforced slavery of the human race and the inevitable destruction of the planet, as it was “exactly the Brexit we all voted for” before adding that there’s not much chance of Doncaster being overrun by Mongonese!

More reasoned analysis was left to Twatter, where it was pointed out that the government’s figures suggested that the trade deal would add £1.8 billion to GDP over ten years. In layperson’s terms, equal to the amount of money Erling Haaland will earn over his career.

The first flight of scantily clad young ladies leaves for Mongo on Tuesday, three years before the first refugee flight to Rwanda. A large crowd is expected to wave them off, with The Sun newspaper producing a bumper edition with lots of pictures.

Meanwhile, your government continues.

(Picture Credit: http://www.toutlecine.com/images/star/0002/00026627-charles-middleton.html)